If a Tiger Lies in the Woods, Does Anyone Believe Him?

I wasn't sure I should devote a post to yet another scandal involving a popular, admirable and well known icon...but, since it kind of relates to an interesting bit of information I learned a few weeks ago, I decided "what the hell?"

What the hell is right! Who would have thought a nice and likable guy like Tiger Woods, with his model beautiful Swedish wife would end up such a cliche? This past week has been a rough one for him, in the aftermath of a mysterious late night accident involving his SUV and a tree over the long Thanksgiving holiday weekend. Inevitably, news stories like this often lead to questions about alcohol or drugs being involved. However, quite surprisingly, this accident led to more sordid tales, as several alleged lovers have found their way into the press. It appears that the slick crafted image is just that. The reality is far uglier.

What I find particularly disturbing is that a successful person such as Tiger, who had married a beautiful woman, would not be satisfied with his marriage. Of course, I am well aware that the shallowness in marrying beautiful models is not enough to make a marriage. Plenty of models have found difficulty in keeping their husbands faithful. It goes to show that beauty isn't everything. In cases such as this, I actually come down harder on the man than the woman, because I see it as nothing but greed. Tiger already selected the woman he wanted to be with and to bear his children. To hook up with other women is greedy. Let other guys have a chance at them.

When I first learned about Tiger Woods in 1997 in the lead up to the Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta, Georgia, I was impressed with his style and background. I felt a kind of kinship with him, because he has a Thai mother, like me, and he was born on December 30th, as I was (I'm four years older, though). His racial mixture included African American and Native American bloodlines from his own father. And if I'm not mistaken, he also has caucasian heritage somewhere in his genetic past. He is quintessentially the future of humanity: where a diverse racial heritage will be the norm. In the Obama Era, this is the kind of America I'm most excited to see emerge: a blending of racial heritages, where neat little categories on bureaucratic forms no longer matter.

Before Tiger got married, I was very interested to see what kind of woman he would end up marrying. His choice would say a lot about him. Though African Americans proudly claim him as one of their own, he had often made comments that were inclusive of his entire background. For obvious reasons, he is also quite popular in his mother's native Thailand. What I really owe Tiger is a debt of gratitude, because his openness in claiming his Thai heritage made it acceptable for me to do so as well. Prior to Tiger Woods, I would often play down that part of my heritage because of the level of nastiness and insulting comments people made about anyone with Asian heritage. While you will often see Asian women or half-Asian/half-causasian women on the arm of a white or a black man, you rarely see an Asian or half-Asian/half-caucasian man with a white woman. I've even known Asian and half-Asian/half-caucasian women say they won't date an Asian or half-Asian man. What kind of message does that send?

Tiger never had that problem, though. Perhaps it helped that he became wealthy at a young age due to his mastery of golf and all the endorsement deals he racked up since his early 20s. He is the first athlete to have earned a billion dollars, 80% of which is from product endorsements. No matter what his heritage is, many women see dollar signs and a large bank account will make any guy appear attractive to superficial women.

When I learned that Woods married a blonde Swedish model, I was actually not surprised. It seemed like a cliche to me. Many successful African American men marry white women (O.J. Simpson and Clarence Thomas are just two examples). Woods was diversifying his gene pool, contributing further to the beautiful future of our country. Brazil is one country where such racial blending has created a society of people who vary in skin tones, so that there truly isn't a stark difference between blue-eyed blondes and black skin. You'll find every shade of colour in between and living in such a society actually does help make you colour blind. At BYU, when I dated a woman from the Dominican Republic, her dark skin colour was actually invisible to me. She was an attractive and intelligent woman, so while others might have seen the stark differences in our skin colour, for her and I, we were blind to it in ourselves. Race truly does not matter, especially when it comes to love.

The stories of Tiger's infidelity is a big disappointment to me. Though I never met the guy and don't think highly of most athletes, I felt a special affinity for Tiger because of our mothers' nationality and our shared birthday. He is someone I would love to meet and have a conversation with (I'm more interested in what it was like for him growing up with a Thai mother in our society where people often made racist comments about Asians than I am about his golf game). That someone with a beautiful wife still can not remain faithful is troubling to me. Honestly, I'm not attracted to a lot of women because I have to be attracted at the soul level. I find plenty of women attractive at a physical level, but know for the most part that such attraction is generally not mutual. When I find the few that have attracted me at a deep level (which have been three in the past ten years) and feel that I have a good chance with them, I'm naturally disappointed when it doesn't turn out that way. It took me six years to get over Jenet. Who knows how long it will take for me to get over Christine?

Thus, it frustrates me that many men are so greedy when it comes to women. Even when they end up with a beautiful woman and promise to be theirs for the rest of their lives, its not enough. They still want more. They want to deny other men the right to find and date these ladies. This greed makes me judge an unfaithful man much more harshly than I do the homewrecker woman who gets involved with a married man. I suppose its unfair, but in my view, I view a married man's infidelity with a single woman as violating the rights of the single man.

A few weeks ago, I read an interesting letter in Dan Savage's column. For those who don't know Savage, he writes a weekly sex advice column that is often informative, as well as blunt, eye-opening, and downright raunchy at times. Savage is a gay man (who even came to Portland in January to defend our scandalous mayor in the aftermath of that sex scandal), but he gives sex advice to anyone who asks. The most recent letter that captured my attention was a man in an open relationship with his wife who loved flirting with other women. Since he has his wife's permission to enter into any sexual relations with other women, he pursues single women he's attracted to. When they show an interest in sleeping with him, even after learning that he's married, he will disclose his wife's permission for him to have sex with other women after the interested lady asks him: "What would your wife think of us sleeping together?"

This guy wrote in the letter that every time he reveals that his wife allows him to sleep with other women, he claimed that the women always lose interest in having sex with him. He couldn't understand how things could change if one is sexually interested in you, especially when they learn that he's married.

I didn't think a gay guy like Dan Savage could possibly know about the psychology of women, but his response truly floored me. He responded that some women are so insecure with theirselves that they actually derive their sense of self-esteem from sleeping with married men because in their minds, they think: "I'm attractive enough for a married man to violate his wedding vows to his wife." Women who can cause a married man to stray might not be conciously aware of the underlying motives they have, but I think Savage was on to something. Its truly sick, though, that there are people out there who have no moral qualms about disrespecting another person's marital vows.

Maybe this is where I fail. Since my Navy days, I have been romantically interested in some women who were engaged, married, or in a relationship with another guy, but I have never acted inappropriately with any of them out of respect for their relationships. I considered it good karma to respect other people's relationships. Thus, my frustration that I seem to lose out to other people who don't have those internal codes. When will my day come, where I can be in a relationship with an awesome woman and not have to worry about another man trying to steal her away? Love is so damn complicated. But, I wish people would just spend some time self-analyzing their motives for doing things, without doing them. Anyone who wants to have a sexual relationship with a person in a committed relationship should not act upon their desires. It is amusing, however, when the homewrecker who ends up getting married to the guy complains when the guy cheats on her with someone else. It's called the karmic boomerang. What goes around, comes around. Stick to the single folks.

This reminds me of an episode in the first season of Knots Landing. Happily married Karen Fairgate finds herself attracted to a young school teacher when he flirts with her and invites her to dinner. She even goes so far as to visit him in his apartment for an expected rendezvous. However, as he invites her into the bedroom, she remains in the living room and thinks about what she's doing, and then laughs. She then thanks him for finding her attractive, but doesn't actually violate her marriage vows. She considered his attraction to her and his invitation to stray as "a gift", making her feel attractive again. When I saw that episode for the first time a few years ago, I was just struck by the message: think deeper about your underlying reasons for wanting to do something you might regret.

More people should be like Karen. Before one does something that would violate a vow or a promise or a relationship, one should self-reflect on the underlying reasons. Often, one will find that it has little to do with the act itself, but what it represents. For Karen Fairgate, she didn't think she was attractive, so when a handsome young man found her attractive enough to want to sleep with her, she was caught up in the flattery. She didn't need to sleep with him to maintain that feeling of being attractive. Just knowing that someone other than her husband found her attractive was enough for her to feel good about herself again. Man, I've always loved Karen's character when I grew up watching the later seasons of the show, but that episode really revealed what it is that I love about her. As a teenage boy, I always found Karen (played by Michele Lee) to be attractive. Her look and personality is probably the closest ideal to what I'm looking for in a wife. That is what I consider to be a truly beautiful woman (not the fakeness of supermodels, beauty pageant contestants, Hollywood starlets and rogue former governors).

I hope that Tiger Woods will get his act together. Obviously, something is not right in his marriage for him to stray with many women, especially around a family holiday weekend like Thanksgiving. Maybe some people get married before they are meant to. Its always sad to see married folks behaving as though they were single, especially if they were in a rush to get married in their early 20s. Two of my cousins (whose parents are evangelical Christians) are in bad marriages. I learned from my mom that the younger sister is actually getting a divorce. She has young children, but she prefers to go out drinking, smoking, and hanging out in bars. She's eight years younger than me. Though I find her values to be trashy, a part of me is secretly smug about it because of how it makes my fundamentalist uncle and his wife look. They are the most strict about religion and their daughters have rebelled (having children outside of marriage, infidelity during marriage, divorce). My parents weren't strict, but my brother, sister and I have been pretty stable and moral in how we live.

My fundamentalist uncle (who left the church) kept pestering me at my sister's wedding to go flirt with my sister's bridesmaids and keeps pushing the whole marriage thing on me. Why aren't I married? That's a question that seems to be too great a concern for him. Considering that my dad and two of his brothers got married within a few years after graduating from high school, I'm one of the rare family members who is still single as I approach 40. This is more a reflection of my priorities and how life has not gone "as planned." In my mind, marriage is a no go for me so long as I am not in my career and stuck in a low wage job. Establishing a career has always been more important to me than marriage. The thought of "being stuck" in a job because I have mouths to feed is very scary to me. I need the freedom to find a better work situation without worrying about how my decisions would impact the lives of the wife and kids.

Thus, before I even think about marriage, I need to be in a career where I see long-term potential for job satisfaction. There's nothing wrong with that. Sure beats the whole idea of getting married when you're young and then finding out that you made a huge mistake because you didn't know what you really wanted in a committed relationship. It bugs me whenever I hear people tell me that I need to be married. The honest answer is, I'd love to be married, but until I land a satisfying career and get some of my debts paid off, and meet a woman I connect with at the soul level of being, there won't be any marriage. So people who want to plan my life for me...offer me a living wage job in an organization where my experience and interests are a good fit and then I can seriously begin my search for a lady worth marrying.

My advice to married men out there who are thinking of cheating: You made your bed, so sleep in it. If you made a mistake, then you should seek out divorcees and widows. Don't ruin another single lady just so you can get your rocks off. You're messing up the order of things here and making it bad for us single guys who haven't found our wives yet!

Nonconformist of the Year 2009

Keeping with my tradition dating back to 1992, I am proud to announce this year's selection for the Nonconformist of the Year. I realize that many people latch on to the term "nonconformist" and most people would not think of themselves as conformists, even when its pretty obvious to most people that they are. Most people tend to be sheep and stick to the herd. Those who are truly "nonconformists" generally stick out, are often ostrasized or isolated or even made fun of for having views that are considered to be "out there."

The dictionary definition of "nonconformist" is: One who does not conform to, or refuses to be bound by, accepted beliefs, customs, or practices.

By this definition, then, even someone like Sarah Palin would qualify for my Nonconformist of the Year Award. However, I have a tougher criteria to weed out "rogue mavericks" like Palin who does things on what appears to be more of a whimsical, self-serving agenda than some true conviction and fidelity to an inner moral compass. In the sidebar in the lower left side of my blog, you can see my past selections for this award. A couple years ago, I wrote in a blog post my reasons for why each person was selected for this award. Feel free to check out that post if you'd like (it was written some time in December 2007).

This year, I was almost at a loss for who to select for this award. Not many people grabbed my attention for doing something I would consider outside the norm that was very principled and inspirational. In thinking about "true nonconformists", I generally think of people like the man who stood in front of a line of tanks in Beijing during the student protests of May and June 1989. That's the kind of nonconformist I seek to award each year.

Early on, I thought I might select the Iraqi journalist who had dared to toss his shoes at President Bush during a final visit to Baghdad. That journalist did what so many people around the world wish they could have done and he even inspired Americans to toss their shoes at an inflatable George W. Bush outside the White House during his final week in office. But, then I thought, that was a single moment early in the year (or was it last year?) and is mostly forgotten now. I want something memorable that will stand the test of time.

I thought of Michelle Obama, for being such a classy First Lady and wowing people wherever she goes, including even the Queen of England who allowed her to actually touch her royal majesty (which caused a mini scandal in England). Michelle also gave parting gifts to the Bushes on Inauguration Day, which news anchors said had never been done before. She has added a vegetable garden to the White House property. She maintains that being a mother to her two young daughters is her priority right now, though she has taken on the cause of military families. For an educated lady who was often the larger breadwinner in the Obama family, she has managed to keep a unique balance that is neither the policy-oriented co-presidency of Hillary Rodham Clinton nor the passive and nearly invisible role of Laura Bush's tenure. She strikes a happy medium and even made political commentator David Brooks feel insecure in his manhood (he was the one who obsessed over Michelle's "toned arms").

Ultimately, though, I had to go with...

ALICIA SILVERSTONE!

I can't begin to tell you how rare it is to meet a genuine Hollywood celebrity who is truly passionate about an issue and lives it. Her cause is veganism and she wrote a surprisingly readable, informative, and enjoyable book on living a "kind diet." Many celebrities join political causes because it helps them look good, and sometimes when you hear them talk about politics, you can tell that they are clueless about what they are saying. Not so with Alicia. She has devoted herself to spreading the word about the environmental impact of our meat based diet and offers tasty solutions to help shift ourselves to a kinder, plant-based diet. She encourages "flirting" (those who are like me in that they are consuming less meat, though haven't completely gone vegetarian or vegan...at least not yet). Any burger or steak that we don't eat each week eventually does add up to more cows being saved from slaughter.

As I read her book since she came to Portland for her lecture and book signing, I always feel a good vibe wash over me. I'm in a blissful state when I read her book, and that is rare. I believe that she is doing a great thing for our planet by raising awareness and speaking out on a topic she is passionate about. The great thing is that she not only talks her talk, but she lives what she talks about. This is a complete lifestyle that is in harmony with our environment. While many other celebrities indulge in the lifestyle of easy money and hard-earned fame, contributing little to the betterment of our world, Alicia has used her modest level of fame to inspire people to a new kind of lifestyle and diet. For this reason, she is most worthy of the Nonconformist of the Year Award in 2009. Honorable mentions go to writer Jonathan Safran Foer, who also wrote a book this year about the immorality of eating animals; and actress Natalie Portman, who wrote an endorsement of Foer's book in an editorial that appeared on the Huffington Post, claiming that his book helped push her towards veganism.

Alicia, however, leads the pack of celebrities in our generation who are raising awareness about how we eat does affect the planet we live on. This kind of nonconformity, in the face of all kinds of temptations in Hollywood, is what I created the award to acknowledge. Sure beats the kind of nonconformity in which a governor quits for no good reason and then goes on a booktour to sign copies of a book she didn't write to a fanbase of people who don't think for themselves. One form betters our world, the other is self-serving and petty. What does Alicia get for the award? Just a mention on my blog, I'm afraid. But her picture will be made into an ornament and placed on my "NonconformiTree" (what I call my Christmas tree, as it features picture ornaments I created of every single "Nonconformist of the Year" from 1992 through 2008, along with other special "Nonconformist" categories: scientist, spiritual leader, woman, family, athlete, and teacher).

Congratulations, Alicia! I wish you much success in your book tour and promotion of the vegan lifestyle. Stay tuned for Sunday's post, in which I will reveal my selection for the Nonconformist of the Decade (2000s).

Christmas Cards and Newsletters

On Tuesday evening, I discovered a very interesting website that gives good advice on Christmas newsletters. I found it when I checked my blog's statistical counter and clicked on the keywords of a Google search that someone had used and then found my blog post about writing Christmas newsletters. I'm flattered that my Flashback Friday post appears on people's Google searches, but it appears that people are looking for advice on how to write one and my post does not offer advice. I only gave select excerpts from ten years of writing newsletters that I found interesting in retrospect as it regards to my life (such as my moving to Portland seven years after predicting that I would someday).

I must have spent HOURS on the website because it featured many awesome examples of actual newsletters. Not only does it showcase funny newsletters and interesting ones, but also the absurd ones. The one biggest complaint I've heard people make is all the bragging that goes on, thus why annual newsletters are so easy to mock. I've read plenty of those growing up, with the ones my parents received from their friends, who had perfect overachieving children. There's even one lady I've known since we were teenagers whose newsletters fall into the gag category. Her life is not perfect by any means, but her newsletters present an image that is far from the reality as my family had seen it. Maybe one shouldn't send such fictions to people who know them well!

On the website, it features links to many examples. The most surprising one I found was of a family that sends out a 16-booklet (or maybe they just post an online version). Okay, that's overdoing it a bit. Sixteen pages?!? How seriously self-important can one family get?

One advice I have seen in a few "how to write a Christmas newsletter" column included writing from the point of view of a baby/toddler or family pet. Then other advice columns recommend not doing so because its too cheesy. I think its a matter of perspective. My favourite newsletter each year is surprisingly from one of my former roommates in D.C. He once wrote a newsletter from the perspective of his second child, who was still in the womb. He even told me to forgive his cheesiness that year, but I loved it. His newsletters always make me laugh, so that's a good thing. I always look forward to receiving his every year.

I took an informal poll at work about Christmas cards. Three ladies who have sent them out last year are all skipping out this year. One lady hates doing it, but I suspect that she might have been frustrated that she didn't get as many cards back as she had sent out. I know a few people like that...its all about getting some cards in the mail, more than the joy of sending them. I'm the opposite. I love sending out cards with newsletters and I probably send out two or three cards for each one I get back. No matter. Another lady at work said that she doesn't have time this year. My supervisor's ongoing family dramas would make an excellent newsletter, but she doesn't have time to write (because as I've pointed out before, she's a workaholic who actually takes work home with her, even though she does not get paid for the work she does on her own time. How messed up is that? I'd never do that for this place. They pay me squat, so I'm not going to sacrifice one second of my personal life for them).

Throughout my life, I have met very few (if any) who actually love writing cards and newsletters (or letters). Why am I such the oddball on this (as on many other things)? I really hope I marry a woman who hates writing cards and letters, because this is one task that I will fight hard to maintain. I have creative ideas on how I would want to write an engagement/wedding announcement and invitation, the wedding program, the thank you cards, the Christmas cards and newsletters. If I fall in love with a lady who loves writing cards and newsletters, then fights and arguments will undoubtedly ensue. But, I really think the odds of finding someone who enjoys writing newsletters as much as I do is highly unlikely.

I'm really excited about working on 2010's newsletter. I kind of wish that I had come across the idea I'm planning to use before I wrote the one that I did this year, though. However, I already received feedback from one friend that my newsletter and card really "cracked her up"! I aim to please...but if you think this year's newsletter is the best of the eleven that I've written, then I promise you that next year's will be even better. I know that already. It will be fun to write, tweak, and just seeing what else gets added to it over the course of the year. I may even decide to send Thanksgiving cards instead of Christmas ones in 2010 (I've thought about doing that for a few years now, but the tradition of the Christmas card keeps me from trying something that different. The same with New Year's cards).

Once I have mailed out all my cards and newsletters, I will post a copy of the newsletter on my blog with an explanation on some of the things I wrote and why I wrote them the way I did. My annual newsletter is probably the most edited document I ever write. Its been through the wringer more times than anything else because I edit, edit, edit. Every sentence counts and plays an important role. Because of the complete honesty about the difficulties of this year for me, I had to write the newsletter the way I did to maximize the humour that would not have been able to be accomplished any other way. I believe in balance, thus why I often include a mix of good things as well as disappointing things. If anyone finds something annoying in my newsletter, though, its probably that I "namedrop" famous people too much. I noticed that pattern when I wrote that Flashback Friday post featuring select quotes. I don't think my ability to meet famous people each year makes me special or important. Basically, I feel like Forrest Gump...just a nobody who experiences the extraordinary, which makes life interesting.

Here's hoping that you'll find joy in sending out cards and newsletters to your friends and loved ones across the miles. If you need some inspiration, please click on that link to the website for more examples than you could possibly read in a few sittings. Maybe one of the newsletters will inspire you to write one this year. But, one bit of warning...sixteen pages in a magazine format is a bit much for a newsletter. Two pages is plenty enough to cover your year. And the funnier you can write it, the better for those who read it. Everyone loves a laugh or two.

Afghanistan is the Entire World's Problem

I did not get to watch President Obama's address on Afghanistan at the Military Academy at West Point because it aired live on the West Coast at 5 PM and I was told that I had to stay late yesterday until we entered all the youth applications so the professionals and the office could meet their quotas and more. As those who know me and my job...I hate the obsession with quantity that the managers and organization has built its accounting system around. It's not a non-profit organization devoted to youth, but a corporation with a non-profit status that still thinks it can do what Enron did (unlimited growth forever!). Whatever. Of course, my supervisor, when stressed out only becomes a hideous bitch and harps on my ass from the moment I walk in the door until the moment I leave.

Anyhow, when she gets into her OCD, micromanaging, bitchy self, I just tune her out and start thinking about applying to jobs in the Middle East. Iraq, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Kuwait, Dubai...it's all good. In fact, the more I work in an office filled with obese, unhappy, catty and bitchy women with no college education and never traveled outside the country, the more I long to work with men again. I miss the fraternity and camaraderie of the Navy. Private contractors are mostly men looking for adventure in midlife, so perhaps this is the reason why I ended up in such a crappy job: to push me into a better employment situation that matches my knowledge, experience, and interests. I have nothing to lose by applying for a job overseas.

Well, actually, I would lose the obese bitchy women who think nagging a male coworker to death actually gets results. The more she nags me and verbally abuses me, the more subversive I become. I make sure that I get as little work done as possible. Treat me kindly, and I'll respond in a positive manner. All I can say is that I feel sorry for this bitchy woman when she has her life review in the spiritual world someday. She'll experience herself as I experience her: an unreasonable person to work for. God, she's a big reason why I am beginning to HATE the Mormon church. Her smug arrogance about her spiritual future as a goddess of her own planet someday only seems to encourage her in her abusive manner. Several people have commented to me that she treats me like shit and wonder how I put up with it. I've told more than a few people that I'm her slave. But a day of reckoning is gonna come. Some humility would be a good thing. She's digging her own spiritual grave, though because when God shows her who she appears to be to those who work for and with her, she's going to be on the receiving end of her unreasonable demands. That's her problem. I'm so planning to bust out of there early next year.

Anyhow...about Afghanistan. I did download President Obama's speech to read at home. I believe he's doing the right thing, even though both his liberal supporters and his conservative opponents seem to be unhappy with his "compromising" policy. Liberals want out of this war yesterday. Conservatives think setting a deadline for withdrawal is waving the white flag of surrender. Funny...but I seem to remember their beloved President Bush promising that the Iraq War would be short and we're still there, too. Yeah, we can kick ass in a shock and awe campaign, but when it comes to the occupation, we suck. There's a reason why Afghanistan is called "the Graveyard of Empires." This is a land that endured invasions by Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, the British Empire, the Soviet Empire, and now the American Empire.

That's the biggest reason why I did not support the invasion of Afghanistan in 2001. At the time, I was against invading for historical reasons, even though I believed that we were morally right to retaliate against a brutal regime that harbored terrorists that aimed to destroy our country. I just didn't think we could succeed where the Soviets, the British, the Greeks, and the Mongols failed. Were we that arrogant to think that we had something that previous empires lacked? History seems to favour the home team. After all, the people who live in an occupied land aren't going anywhere. They have a huge stake in the land that they live on. Foreign invaders don't have those ties to the land. Especially those from far flung places. I bet the vast majority of Americans couldn't name the capital city, locate Afghanistan on a map, or know what languages the people speak. We're too busy shopping for Christmas gifts and gearing up for the Bowl games to pay much attention.

Even though I was against Bush's invasion of Afghanistan on historical grounds, I also believe that once we were there, we had a moral obligation to leave it a better place. I don't think most Americans have that view (obviously, they don't, because the majority supported the invasion and the majority want to leave Afghanistan now). War is exciting for the first couple weeks when aired live on cable news. We're mesmerized by the shock and awe of explosions like some real-life fireworks show. But the longer the war wears on, the more people begin tuning out to other pressing issues of their lives. This view only illustrates the shallowness of our society. We're so easily entertained by the visual excitement of war, but like children, our attention spans can only focus for so long before we're distracted by other shiny objects.

I feel like the odd man out in our society because I'm against war in most cases. I subscribe to the "Just War" theory, in which some of the precepts include: proportional response (a singular terrorist attack on us should NOT result in an endless war on them), diplomacy first (though this is actually unusable against terrorists), and forming a broad international coalition to deal with the problem. By invading Afghanistan, Bush committed us to what his first-term Secretary of State Colin Powell once referred to as "the Pottery Barn Rule" (you can tell the guy is whipped when he references the Pottery Barn, which I consider to be one of the gayest stores around. No self-respecting man would be caught dead in there!): "you break it, you own it." Simply put, we "own" Afghanistan. For over eight years now. The Soviets were there for ten years. Two years from now, we'll break their record! Of course, their invasion of Afghanistan in 1979 and the devastating decade-long war bled their economy and contributed to the ultimate collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991. Will the same happen to us? God, I hope not!

Bush's invasion of Afghanistan in October 2001 put me in a bad spot. I never supported his presidency since I considered him to be illegitimate due to his shutting down the recount effort in Florida. Subsequent reviews of the election ballots have shown that Gore was the actual winner of Florida, thus of the election, so I'll never consider him legitimate. Anyhow, despite my disregard of Bush as a legitimate president, I was against any move to pull troops from Afghanistan. Once we got rid of the Taliban, we had an obligation to help build the nation to be strong enough to stand on its own.

When the Soviets pulled out of Afghanistan, our own government that supported Osama Bin Laden and the mujahedeen also pulled support, despite requests for money to build schools and infrastructure. Our government discarded the Afghans like we did to the anti-Castro Cubans in the Bay of Pigs. Once they no longer served our national interest, we act like they don't exist. This breeds resentment. I've read that this was one of two incidents that turned Osama Bin Laden against the U.S. (the other was the build-up of U.S. troops on the sacred soil of Saudi Arabia in 1990-1991). Once we withdrew financial support from the mujahedeen, there was a power vacuum in Afghanistan until the Taliban took control in the early 1990s. The Taliban was the most extreme form of Islam, which grew out of the mujahedeen. They were so extreme that even the Islamic government in Iran despised them! That would be like Pat Robertson in our country saying that the Christian Identity movement is too extreme for him.

So, what's my amateur solution to the Afghanistan problem? Well, once we liberated the Afghan people from the oppressive rule of the Taliban, with the women no longer forced to wear the blue burkhas under threat of death, we are morally obligated to make sure the secular government is strong enough to stand on its own. Under no circumstance should the Taliban ever be allowed to come back into power. We can look at what happened to Algeria in the 1990s when a secular government was under attack by Islamic fundamentalists. Intellectuals, government bureaucrats, and European tourists were targeted for deadly attacks, engulfing that former French colony in North Africa into a dangerous place for anyone to live or visit.

If the U.S. pulled out of Afghanistan now or anytime soon, there's a 100% guarantee that the Taliban will return to power and what would our last eight years have accomplished? All those lives wasted. Those who work in the secular government and the women who dared to go to school, to not wear burkhas, to have jobs...all of them will have their lives at risk. We have a moral obligation to prevent a slaughter. In fact, the world must realize that for better or for worse, we collectively have a stake in the success of Afghanistan. Thus why the peacekeeping mission must be undertaken by a large international force, under the blue beret of the United Nations. We must commit to decades of occupation, like Germany has been. Several generations of Afghan citizens have to grow up and live in a country occupied by peacekeeping forces. As we see in Germany, we rooted out the Nazis from government and its unlikely that Nazism will emerge again in Germany. The Germans are fully integrated in the European Union, so they know that they have benefitted far more from peace than by two devastating wars.

The United Nations peacekeeping forces ended the genocide in Bosnia and Hercegovina and they are still there. Its uncertain whether it would be wise for troops to leave the Balkans anytime soon. Troops can keep the peace. Its a commitment the developed world must make to these conflicted regions on our planet. We are the grown-ups here. We can't go in and destroy a country and then leave them alone to pick up the pieces. We are morally obligated to keep the peace by planting the seeds of democracy where it never existed and stay until it is strong enough to sustain itself. This could be a fifty year commitment or a century. Who knows? But the world must make that commitment.

And for God's sake...the next time a Republican president pushes for a war against a far away country, promising a quick and cheap war...I hope Americans don't fall for that again. Wars are the ultimate Pandora's Box. Its always longer, messier, and more expensive than politicians promise. Conservatives might think I was being unpatriotic when I refused to support Bush's invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq...but look who turned out right. And the irony of it all! The war supporters have lost their nerves and want to cut our losses by leaving the Afghans and Iraqis to fend for themselves, while I feel that we are morally obligated to stay indefinitely.

One thing else I would propose...its time for Americans to pay for the costs of these wars. Bush thought we could put the price of war on a tab for our great-grandchildren to pay when they reach adulthood, but let's be real. War is expensive, the Americans wanted them. So now its time for the people who supported the invasions to ante up. I hope Congress will pass a gasoline tax that is earmarked for these wars. Everyone who drives a car should pay an extra ten cents per gallon of gasoline. I know it wouldn't be popular, but its time for Americans to look in the mirror and be honest with themselves. They wanted a war, now we're gonna have to pay for it. It's not morally right to trash someone else's house and not expect to pay for the damages or to clean up one's mess.

A memo to the President...how can I be one of the government bureaucrats sent to the region to oversee this new strategy? I volunteer for this adventure. Please take me away from the crazy Mormon bitch that I slave for. Anywhere is better than where I work! I'm all about international cooperation and nation building. Its what I found the most passion in during my college years when I studied international politics and human rights. I want to be a part of this challenge.

The Final Month of the Decade (Starring Sarah Palin)

Here we are...in the final month of the year and the decade. My blog this month will be filled with special posts that includes a reflection on my "decade of disaster" (nothing seemed to go right for me this decade, so I have no choice but to write it off as a loss because the chances are that I will not land a new job before I turn 38 at the end of the year, nor will I land a publishing contract on my novel, nor will I get married...the three goals I had for myself this decade). I will have posts about the books I've read this decade, my favourite movies of the decade, my favourite music of the decade. My end of year "Best of" feature. And of course, my annual "Nonconformist of the Year" (NoTY) Award (announced on December 6th). Since this month also marks the end of the 2000s decade, I will also announce my selection for "Nonconformist of the Decade 2000s" (as well as divulge who I had selected for the distinction in the 1980s and the 1990s).

I love retrospectives and I look forward to a fun month full of retrospectives. Hopefully by doing so, I can see a pattern to this decade and maybe see hints on what I need to do to make the next decade the best decade of my ife. I am even more determined to have a great decade in the 2010s. I'm so ready to put behind the disappointments and failures of this decade. I think its safe to say that the high point of this decade for me was the internship for Al Gore in the first four monts of 2000. I never reached that level of "high" again. In fact, its been a long decline to the worst and darkest "dark night of the soul" period.

My one wish for 2010 is that I will finally get out of my current job and never look back. I'm so ready to blast out of there...especially after my supervisor just got on my case from the first moment I walked in the door on Monday morning after the long Thanksgiving weekend. So I lost my temper and yelled at her. She backed off and threatened to go home for the day, claiming to feel sick and with a headache and a possible flareup in her liver. Whatever. That gives her no right to be abusive to me. If she keeps it up, I might just quit. I'm through with her slave-master routine.

I wish God would just take her away and give her a life review so she can see what an unreasonable bitch she is. I don't give a damn about her personal dramas. If she didn't have family dramas interrupting her work every day, maybe we wouldn't always be so behind from where management expects us to be. I'm tired of her martyrdom play-acting so everyone can feel sorry for her and her ongoing personal dramas that disrupt her work. I've always held the view that if your family life disrupts your work life or your work life disrupts your family life, you needed to reprioritize your life.

Anyhow, I will be stepping up my job search this week. I really need to get the hell out of here, or else I will be buying a gun for Christmas. If God does not want me to violate the promise of a nonviolent life that I made at 8 years old, a job offer better manifest itself before my 38th birthday. That's all I can say.

In other news, I was shocked to discover on my blog's statistical counter that someone in Portland had spent four hours on Thanksgiving (from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m.) looking at my blog. In fact, this person looked at many of my posts...including every month from January through August 2007. I have no idea who would do this, so it is kind of flattering and a little disturbing, especially considering that several of my friends have recently decided to privatize their blogs without warning or explanation. One even hinted that something freaked her out enough to privatize her blog to invited readers only. Will I do that for my blog? Nah! I love being searchable. I never know who'll find my blog and read it. I've gotten in touch with several people from my past because my blog has been public. Who knows...maybe one day, my blog will land me a publishing contract or a job? That'd be awesome.

So, whoever in Portland was reading my blog for four hours on Thanksgiving morning instead of hanging out with family or preparing for a feast, please contact me. I'm really curious about your willingness to read or skim through so many of my early posts from my first eight months of blogging. Don't worry...I actually make a great friend! Say hello.

Another thing I noticed in the statistical counter is that there has been an increase in Google searches for Christmas newsletters. I guess its that time when people are starting to write theirs and they're looking online for advice on how to write one, so they found my Flashback Friday post about my own newsletters. A friend of mine even told me that I had inspired him to write his first newsletter this year. Wow. I'm flattered. I encourage everyone to write a newsletter because I love reading them as much as writing them. Okay...that's a lie. Writing them is way more fun for me. I'm even thinking of writing next year's already this coming weekend. I've read a couple of the newsletter writing advice columns and was impressed by the creative ideas some recommend that I haven't considered. So many ideas out there. Next year's newsletter will probably be radically different than the previous eleven volumes I've written.


In other recent news, the Sarah Palin Show continues its intrigue. I swear, she has more great drama than Desperate Housewives or Brothers and Sisters! The big news is that she took a break from her book tour, which ended last week in Jacksonville and Orlando, Florida. She flew in a private jet to the Tri-Cities area of eastern Washington (which is about a two to three hour drive from Portland) so she could spend Thanksgiving with her mother's sister. The local news featured her in their news story and the footage was posted on one of the many anti-Palin blogs. Sarah was seen deboarding the plane with her children in tow. Only her husband Todd was missing, as well as her wedding ring.

Sarah claimed that Todd was in Alaska because their house's roof had sprung a leak and needed to get fixed. With a reported $5 million advance for her book (the previous report was $1.5 million, which sounded too low to me), she can afford to hire people to fix their roof. It seems odd that "Mrs. Conservative Family Values" would spend a major holiday apart from her husband when she's in the spotlight and there have been persistent rumours all year long that their marriage is on the rocks.

If this wasn't enough, several blogs and the media have been reporting on the various errors in her novel. From misquotes and some say an amateur "cut and paste" job on her quote selections (particularly Plato and Aristotle. Like people will really believe that she knows anything about those two classic philosophers! Its about as convincing as Bush reading Camus), to inaccurate re-telling of events, the knives are out. One conservative blogger even wrote a lengthy review of her book (I read it the other night but can't find the link to it now), expressing his disappointment that she is nothing like Reagan. This book is not serving her well and I think its safe to say that she will not ever be elected to national office.


The latest reveal is that Palin's whole "Bus Tour" is fake. Bloggers have found the flight plans of the plane she has been seen emerging from and they match her appearances in the towns she has done the book signings. While authors generally do fly from book signing to book signing, the controversy is due to Palin's attempt to look like one of her cult members, by busing it around the country. A private plane would be too "elitist." And if we know one thing, members of Palin's cult believe their beloved Quitter Queen is "just like them!" Why can't they open their eyes and see who she really is? Well...I guess some of them have, because when she quit one booksigning in Indiana early and left behind more than 500 people who waited many hours in the cold for their 30 second moment with their goddess, some of them were angry enough to express their disappointment and to return the books for a refund. Her unmistakeable bus (decorated with the cover jacket of her book) is a prop, just like her Downs Syndrome baby, Trig.

I can imagine what her Thanksgiving meal was like at her aunt's house. They all probably had a good laugh about all the poor saps who spent their hard earned money on her book and waited in the cold just to meet her. She probably laughed about how easy her fans are to con, as they really believe she is just like them...riding in buses to save money (while she's actually flying from town to town on a private corporate jet and staying in hotels) and shopping at Walmart (when she had no qualms about spending more than $150,000 on clothes for her entire family last year from high-end retail stores like Saks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus). I'll never understand a person who loves to be lied to and taken advantaged of by grifters and con-artists. But as I learn from trying to tell my brother over and over about recognizing people's motives, some people are just either too naive or honest or dumb too believe that there are snakes out there ready to take advantage of them. There is no cure for stupid.

This past weekend, I found a copy of the New Yorker magazine from last year, in which an author had written about Palin's time as governor. She actually sounded okay as governor. The most alarming thing about the article, though, was that Palin is quoted as saying that the oil in Alaska belongs to all the citizens of Alaska and that corporations had no right to profit from the oil reserves, thus why permanent Alaska residents get a check from the state government every year (around $2,000 each for every man, woman, and child). This is a popular entitlement that Alaskans enjoy. In fact, this is exactly what one would call a form of "socialism" (when the people own the means of production and corporations cannot profit at the expense of the people).

When I find the quote, I'll post it on my blog. Its just amazing to me that these people can go around accusing the president of being a "socialist" or a "communist" and then not see the irony that their preferred candidate is actually the biggest socialist we've seen in our lifetime. In their minds, though, "It's their money, not the gubmint's." No...it's actually the corporation's money. They're the ones that invested in the equipment, hired the experts and oil workers, and extracted the natural resource from the earth. I'm all in favour of the many benefitting from the profits rather than the few, but its just amazing to me how conservatives can contradict their own philosophy and not even realize it. They see nothing wrong with the "Permanent Fund" that Alaskan residents get, even as they accuse liberals of being anti-corporation and wanting to "spread the wealth."

The final hilarious news about Palin was an interview she gave to some plastic zombie woman on the Fox Propaganda Network. Sarah claimed that she had changed Trig's diaper just before she walked out on the stage to her debate with Senator Joseph Biden last year. And she shook his hand! When the Fox fembot wasn't gushing about Sarah's "geniune realness", we also learned that Palin had hinted that Glenn Beck would make an excellent running mate if she did run for president. Of course, when Beck got word of that, he wasn't pleased. I guess playing second fiddle to a certifiably bat-shit crazy ignorant woman is not his idea of "taking back America." I'm actually loving this self-destruction of the Republican Party. The media should do more to pair up Palin with various personalities and watch them squirm. Rush is Palin's biggest fan (in more ways than one!). Considering Rush's addiction to Viagra, though, I bet he only wants Palin for himself and not to lead our country to complete collapse.

I'll admit it though...the Sarah Palin Show is the most addictive show of the past two years. I don't need the scripted dramas produced by Hollywood when we have a real life one playing out in real-time before our very eyes. This is a show that is likely to run through 2012. How many more stupid gaffes and embarrassing reveals will we learn about this disasta from Alaska? I'm not tired of hearing or reading about her. She is quite simply the most amusing woman in America. She's funnier than even Bill Maher, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert combined. I love anyone who has the ability to make me laugh. But just because they're funny doesn't mean they'd make a great leader. There's a reason why kings had court jesters. Palin fills that role today. So, I salute her and don't want her to disappear from public just yet.

Music Video Monday: Toto

Today's music video selection is dedicated to Christine. One song has been playing in my mind a lot lately. That would be my second favourite Toto song, "I'll Be Over You" (their "Africa" single is my favourite). This song came out in 1986, when I was enduring my first heartbreak with a girl I consider my first love. We became penpals after meeting in Independence, Missouri. For whatever reason, she stopped writing in 1986 and I was really devastated by it. Since this song was playing on the radio at the time, I naturally associated it with her.

Of course, I did eventually get over her and there have been a few more heartbreaks over the years. Now, I am experiencing heartbreak, again, as the lady I consider my "best friend in Portland" moves to the Netherlands tomorrow to finally be with the guy she has been in a long distance relationship with. In the two and a half years I've known her, I really thought establishing a good friendship and going to fun events would be enough to win her heart. I never thought some dorky European guy would steal her away and hold such sway over her despite the distance.

I guess that's the difference between her and I, as I would not even bother with a long distance relationship, especially with someone from a culture that doesn't interest me. The only exception I could see for myself is if I happen to meet an attractive French woman and she asked me to move to Paris with her. I love French women, French culture, the French language, and most of all Paris--the greatest city in the entire universe! That would not be a hard choice for me, especially if it was Audrey Tautou!

But the Netherlands? There's a reason why the Dutch language isn't taught in high school or many colleges. It might be an interesting country to visit, but its not like the U.S. in which immigrants become American. Being Dutch is more akin to a European tribe that people are born and raised in. One may move to the Netherlands to live the rest of their lives, but they'll always be wherever they're from. And finally, there's the issue of climate change. The Netherlands means what it says. The French call the country "Pays Bas", which means "low country." Its not exactly the place you want to live when the seas rise a couple feet.

Not to knock Christine's decision, though. I admire that she's taking a huge step in faith for the sake of love. I hope it is everything she believes it to be and wants for her life. She's giving up A LOT for this guy, so of course I hope that this love is genuine and enduring. She's a braver soul than me, because I certainly would not give up my life in the USA to live the rest of my days in a place like the Netherlands. Only France, New Zealand, Australia, and Canada are the countries I could see myself living in for the rest of my life if I were to meet and fall in love with a citizen of any of those places. But the rest of the countries of the world is a no-go for me.

Sunday was emotionally wrenching for Christine. A few people shared some favourite memories of her. I loved former pastor Brad's comment that Christine had told him when they first met that she was tired of watching televangelists at home and wanted to attend a real church. I never knew this, so I had to get more details from Christine. All the more reasons why I admire her. She found her way into this church through her previous boyfriend, whose grandmother was a member of the congregation. When the relationship ended, the boyfriend stopped attending, but Christine remained.

I wanted to share a few things, but after a few people spoke, I could tell that people's attention were starting to drift off into various conversations at their tables and my voice wouldn't carry well over the din. I gave Christine a small blank book that had a beautiful watercolor painting on the front cover of a familiar Portland scene. I used the first seven pages to make my farewell "card" to her...with a couple pictures of her and I as well as references to some of the things we've done in the past couple of years. I also wrote some nice comments. Her eyes teared up as she told me that she had never done a scrapbook before. I almost started crying when she did. I'm proud to say that I managed to keep the tears at bay, though internally, I was feeling an ache deeper than any I've felt in a long time. This farewell is hard. Too damn hard!

In the evening, my brother called me. As typical of his past few conversations, he always inquires about Christine and asks way too many questions. He also wanted me to pass along his phone number to her so she can call him and he'll talk her ear off about uninteresting things (he does that with way too many people and its annoying. Does anyone really want to hear his plans for his apartment?). I informed him that she was leaving on Tuesday. Not to be deterred, he asked if I'd pass to her his address and email so she could write him. Man, I was getting furious at this point. My brother has this bad habit of wanting to be friends with my friends. In the past, with women I was no longer interested in, he would pester me for their phone numbers and would get angry when I refused to give it to him. He should get his own women and not depend on me.

After the phone call, I just stewed in frustration over my brother and his bad habit of coveting my friends. His problem is that he responds to kindness. That means any pretty woman who is kind to him automatically translates in his disabled mind that she's attracted to him. He doesn't seem to understand that kindness doesn't necessarily mean romantic interest. I noticed this flaw in his thinking when he thought a flirtacious waitress was interested in dating me, when I knew full well that it was to get a nice tip. That my brother has an obvious crush on Christine is proof that she is naturally kind, because my brother kept mentioning her kindness in the conversation (I told him very little about Christine, because I do not like talking about the women I'm interested in to my brother).

Some day in the spiritual realm, I will learn the reason why my brother keeps doing this all my life. I wish he would not covet my friends, especially the female ones. When I first moved to Portland, I tried to keep secret some dates I went on but it was hard when I got calls while I was staying in his apartment. He actually wanted to go with me on the first dates to meet these women, having no clue how strange that would be. He takes personal offense when I refuse, but what can I do? My brother is not a good conversationalist...and besides, meeting family members comes much later. Its not a first date thing by any means. I wish he could understand that, but I suppose its part of his mental disability.

His pestering me about Christine, though, really bothered me...especially when I was still feeling very heartbroken and torn up about Christine's leaving. I've already decided that I will end my involvement with MAYAs at the end of the year. When I told Christine that, she made her cute pouty face and tried to persuade me to continue with it. She doesn't want the group to die out just because she left. I understand her view, but its just too painful for me to participate in future MAYAs events without her. She and I were the most loyal members of the group, besides Rachel and Jarom (who married each other this past July). I know that attending MAYAs events without her there will be too painful for me to put on a happy face and fake it. I need distance and the presence of new members. I'll still participate with YAPS, of course, because there's no painful memories to deal with.

Anyhow, I love the lyrics of "I'll Be Over You":

Some people live their dreams
Some people close their eyes
Some people's destiny
Passes by

There are no guarantees
There are no alibis
That's how our love must be
Don't ask why

Bridge:
It takes some time
God knows how long
I know that I can forget you

Chorus:
As soon as my heart stops breakin'
Anticipating
As soon as forever is through
I'll be over you

Remembering times gone by
Promises we once made
What are the reasons why
Nothing stays the same

Its the most perfect song to express what I'm feeling at the moment. I've been through this before, so I know I'll get over it eventually. But for now, I just have to process through yet another loss to add to my decade of losses. If God is merciful, I'm due for some major good luck soon. Its been too long since something really good happened in my life. Can't I get something to make up for the decade of heartache? Just one thing?

A Sad Farewell to an Awesome Lady

Pictured above is Christine at the MAYAs' 2009 New Year's Party (we had an 80s theme). Today is her final Sunday at the Portland Community of Christ congregation, with a farewell potluck in her honour. On Tuesday, December 1st, she flies to Amsterdam for a new life with her Dutch fiance. I suppose if my life was a romantic-comedy, I would chase her to the airport and ask her not to go. But, I'm thinking my life is more like a tragedy so the best thing for her is to let her go, even though it breaks my heart to see her leave. Portland won't be the same without her.

Its amazing to reflect on this year. I always harboured the hope that her long distance relationship would not last. The whole thing struck me as odd. But on a three week visit this year, he popped the question to her on or around her birthday. The marriage is in June and her original plan was to move to the Netherlands next year, within a couple weeks of the wedding date. I wasn't too thrilled about that idea, because it hardly gave them time to really get to know one another. I personally don't believe long-distance relationships work. Its one thing when a couple meet and fall in love when they live near one another, and then a circumstance like work separates them for a few months or longer. Its a completely different thing when one falls in love with a person who lives far away but only visited on vacation, and thus the majority of the relationship is separated by distance, save for a few weeks one year and a few weeks the next.

How can one really know a person's essence with such a separation? I've read that it takes about 90 days to really get to know who a person is, because that's how long it takes for any masks to get unveiled. People can keep up a facade for a short time, but most can't for a longer duration. Also, with such a long-distance relationship, its easy to create an ideal fantasy of the person that might not reflect reality. The separated individual can be whoever you want them to be. Thus why I'm happy that Christine is moving to Europe six months earlier than planned. This will give her time to adjust to the different culture, to really get to know her fiance with all the little details that come out when one lives together, and perhaps even to truly know if this is what she wants for herself.

The photo of us above was taken at Obama's May 2008 rally at Waterfront Park in Portland. It remains one of the best days of my entire life. I managed to convince Christine to skip church to spend the day with me waiting in line to get in, and then waiting some more at the park for Obama to appear, and then wait some more as we exited the park with the 70,000 other people after Obama gave his speech. It was that week when I realized that I really liked Christine and could realistically see myself spending the rest of my life with her. Not only did she agree to spend the day with me at that rally (she was leaning towards Hillary, I think), but she also agreed to attend two political election night parties on Tuesday just a few days after that event. She's not a political person, so I knew that it was because she wanted to spend time with me as much as I wanted to spend it with her.

In this post, I wanted to recap my experience with Christine and why I feel like such a jerk. She is a much better person than I am and I've learned a lot about spirituality and being non-judgmental from her. She is probably the most kind person I have ever met. I realized this when she had mentioned feeling guilty about laughing when American Idol judge Simon Cowell called an audition reject a "Bush baby." No...not that Bush! The animal from Africa that's known as a "Bush baby." A Google search revealed that yes, indeed, did this reject look like a "Bush baby." But Christine felt guilty about finding Cowell's comment funny. That simple comment spoke volumes to me about the type of person she is and why I loved spending my time with her. I always felt good in her presence. She fed me intellectually, with bits of information that she learned which I had never heard before. I'm a pretty smart guy, but I don't know everything. Thus, I've always been attracted to intelligent women who tell me things I don't know. The quickest way to my heart is through my brain.

She passed my "brother test" when she met him this past summer at the Flicks on the Bricks. Because my brother is developmentally disabled, he has been subjected to some of the cruelest people. I wouldn't be surprised if my long-time dislike of superficial people stems from the way I've seen them treat my brother since elementary school. My brother does have an interesting perception about people, so I enjoy hearing what he thinks about people he interacts with. Unfortunately, though, since my brother responds to any kindness, he often falls for charming con artists in whatever get-rich-quick scheme they talk him into. He's unable to detect a false kindness that some people display to him.

Christine was a natural when talking with him. No apparent disgust or disinterest showed on her face. She was completely at ease, friendly, and conversational. My brother told me later that he was impressed with her kindness. Its such a rare quality. Really, it is. I speak as a person with a slight mean streak that comes out occasionally, thus I definitely need a kind woman to tame that aspect of my personality. Christine's kindness inspires me to be a better person. She's such a natural!

The above photo of us was taken at the MAYAs' Lewis River Retreat in the spring of 2008. I'm wearing the sweatshirt of my first ship in the Navy.

I first met Christine at the Portland Community of Christ congregation in May 2007 when the pastor held a Young Adult meeting. It was informative and I only knew one person at the time, Rachel. At this meeting, I think about 8 people showed up, including Andy who was also a Navy veteran. I wrote down in my notes who all attended and mispelled her name. All I remember is that I was attracted to her at the start. After the meeting concluded, she, Rachel, Andy and I walked outside and Christine said something about it was nice seeing me again. Again? I don't remember meeting her before, but she claims that we did. Since I had moved to Portland in August 2006, we might have seen each other at church but I didn't pay attention. I think I would have, though, because I've always been on the lookout for any single young ladies at church!

We'd see each other at other MAYAs events over the course of the summer and into the fall. I really got to know her when we went to the Mt. Tabor soapbox derby in August 2007. On that day, I also met Erik, who was visiting from the Netherlands. In September 2007, a big contingent of Young Adults from Portland caravaned up to Samish Island in two cars for the Young Adult retreat. I was quite happy with this, since the previous year, I was the only one from Portland who attended (though I did meet a lady at the retreat who was from Vancouver WA). Erik was also part of the group that drove up to Samish.

Recently on Facebook, I learned that Erik considers "their anniversary date" to be September 22, 2007, even though Christine had told me before that the relationship did not really begin until his final weeks in the U.S., which was November 2007. What's so significant about September 22nd? To me, it represents the day I made perhaps one of the biggest mistakes of my life. It was Saturday, at Samish Island, during the Young Adult Retreat. Christine had never been there before, so she wanted to walk the grounds during a free afternoon period. She asked me if I wanted to walk with her. For reasons I don't even know, I declined. STUPID! Stupid, stupid, stupid! In retrospect, I feel even worse about it now because every time I have asked her to do something, she has always said yes. The rare time she asked me to do something with her, I said no. Thus why I feel like the biggest jerk.

Back in October, when I finally told her how I've felt about her for the past couple years, she told me that after I had said no, she asked Tim (another member of MAYAs) if he would walk with her on the grounds of Samish. He said no. Then she asked Erik, and he said yes. The rest, as they say, is history! It only makes me wonder what the heck happened on that walk that sparked this romance. Was this something intuitive with her...a test to see which guy she was meant to be with? I failed that test! Like a chump. Now, by making that their unofficial anniversary date, its really just a slap in my face.

Its happened before, though. Back in D.C., the lady I was attracted to had accepted my invitations to do something but when she asked if I wanted to see The Road to El Dorado, I had declined because I had no interest in seeing that kind of animated film. One of my best friends, Nathan, told me that his first date with the lady who became his wife was to see some animated film. Maybe these are subtle tests that a woman gives a man they might be interested in. And I fail because I just don't want to see that film or go on a nature walk. Interestingly enough, though, I did make that nature walk (alone) at Samish Island at this year's Young Adult Retreat.

This is Christine and I, taken at the Lewis River Young Adult Retreat in 2008.

The biggest reason why I took so long in regards to expressing my feelings for Christine had to do with her having a teenage son whom she has no power to make him do anything. He tends to keep to his room and play video games all day and night. I've seen him a couple of times but never really had a conversation with him. Its tough to go into an experience like that. I'm unlike my Uncle Ron, who went from bachelorhood to marrying a divorcee with four teenagers who lived with her (and two more who lived with her ex-husband). I realize that my age kind of limits the prospects of finding a woman who has never married nor has children. As I had thought a lot over the course of this decade about what I would consider "absolute dealbreakers", a woman with more than one child would pose a problem. No child is preferred, but the younger the child, the better. An adolescent poses a huge problem for me because of the psychological impact on the teenager (a man taking away his mother's attention from him). I want to be a parent someday, but not necessarily an instant one to an adolescent I would not be able to have any guiding influence on.

On the flipside, I've responded to enough ads and went on enough dates to realize how rare it is to find someone that you "click" with on several levels. Even after I've met Christine, I have looked at online ads and know the difficulty of finding someone of Christine's attributes. So if I were to do a pro and con sheet in Christine, the pro side would win out in a landslide. The whole point of love is that you accept all of who they are and what they bring into the relationship--kids, dogs, and all. By the time my feelings on the issue were sorted out, though, it was too late. One person already "claimed" her. It kind of makes me mad, in a way. Especially when I learned that he had previously dated another church member who lives in the Portland area. My initial reaction was, "What, he couldn't find a nice Dutch woman to marry?" He has to come to America to find his bride, like Prince Akeem of Coming to America?

The photo above is of Christine, me, and my brother, taken at one of the Flicks on the Bricks (I'm thinking it was during Ghostbusters) this past summer.

So, what do I do with all of these memories that I have with Christine? We attended the Retrofits concert, various political rallies and parties, movies (The Kite Runner, Marley and Me, The Golden Compass, This Is It), walking around Lloyd Center mall, MAYAs events, retreats, and best of all, we spent election night 2008 together when Obama was declared by the networks to be our next president. I was building the kind of great memories that couples have in the courtship phase, but participating with a woman who will be some other man's wife next year. She and I have more memories of fun things together than what she currently shares with her fiance.

Its no wonder that he once insisted on speaking with me when he had called her when I was at her apartment. He even referred to her as his girl during the conversation, like he was threatened by my close proximity to her. I saw the phone conversation more as him staking out his claim and letting me know. It actually flattered me that he felt threatened enough by my presence in her life to insist on letting me know that she was his girl. Whatever.

Personally, I don't get what she sees in him. I could not imagine her ending up with a guy like him. It does concern me that she's making a bigger sacrifice to be with him than he would to be with her. That's the thing about love, though. No one is qualified to judge another person's relationship. Too many emotional factors go into the mix, and as I told a couple friends recently, I'm probably one of the rare people on earth who approaches love from the perspective of logic. As my dad says, though: "love isn't logical." Maybe that's my problem, because I think it should be. Its no wonder why I identify with the Spock character in the new Star Trek film. I especially love that he ends up with a super attractive African American lady (I love Zoe Saldana as Uhura!). Maybe I will find my own racially-mixed lady to build a relationship with.

Though I don't consider Erik a friend, I truly hope this relationship is based on genuine love and not loneliness or desperation. I can't help being skeptical when a foreigner comes to America looking for love and falls into a long-distance relationship where the other person can't really get to know them. There are too many red flags. Maybe that's just me, though. I have tried to put myself in Christine's shoes. I think...what if I met an Australian woman and fell in love with her and she asked me to move to Australia to be with her. I honestly can't see myself doing it, as much as I dream about seeing Australia some day. I don't see myself sacrificing my dreams, goals, and citizenship to move to a foreign country to get married. So, I really hope that this is a genuine love between them.

The picture above was taken at the spring 2008 Young Adult Retreat at Lewis River campgrounds. That's me on the left, with Christine to my left. Tim is the guy sitting in the chair (the second person who declined to walk with her on the grounds of Samish Island). The standing lady is Susan, who was our instructor at that retreat. She's a retired Portland city government employee who first warned me about Commissioner Sam Adams being a not so nice guy to work for or deal with. She was also the lady who rescued Christine, Chris, and I when Chris' (a lady from church, whose daughter once briefly dated Erik the Dutch guy) car broke down on the way back from Rachel and Jarom's wedding.

Like I said...so many fun memories between Christine and I! If life were a romantic comedy, the audience would definitely be cheering for us to get together and Erik would be seen as the villain (American audiences seem to love Europeans as villains). I'm still struggling to find which romantic comedy would best reflect my relationship with Christine, and the only one I can come up with is Serendipity, where both leads are in relationship with other people, who are good and decent people, but as the audience knows, not the ones they were meant to be with. I'm always hoping that there might be a happy ending to all this.

The right thing to do, though, is to wish for Christine's happiness and to let her go. There's a quote about how true love sets one free, and if they return, then you know it was meant to be. If they don't, then it wasn't. I truly do wish her the best in her new life and I hope that it will be what she desires for her future. If it is not, I hope that she will also know that and follow her heart.

I cannot influence her decision at all, because it is entirely hers to make. All I can say is that I've appreciated getting to know her these past two and a half years. She has been an inspiration and a blessing in my life. I will always cherish the memories of our times together. I wish it could have led to something more. A conversation that never ends.

When I have the thought enter my mind that says, "I could spend the rest of my life with her," that is a good sign. Christine did inspire that thought. I know from personal experience that it will be difficult to find another woman who shares her best qualities (intelligence, kindness, spirituality, interest in learning, a desire to travel, a willingness to do interesting things). She is beautiful inside and out. She inspires me to be a better person.

The above photo is of the MAYAs group, taken at the Samish Island Young Adult Retreat in September 2007. The guy sitting in the second row is the notorious Erik from the Netherlands. The interesting thing about this photo, to me, is that Christine chose to sit next to me and she has her arm around me. Its like she and I were always drawn to one another. Why didn't she sit next to Erik? In several photos taken of the group, she is nowhere near Erik. The two guys on the floor are Jarom (on the left) and Tim (on the right). Jarom married Rachel (second one on the left) this past summer. Their relationship began as a friendship that blossomed into a romantic relationship later on. To me, that's the best way to create a strong marital bond. The friendship must be strong.

Too bad it hasn't worked for me thus far. Other guys are always stealing away ladies I'm interested in. Nathan says that I move too slow and he probably is right about that. However, the times where I moved too quickly, I actually lost interest pretty quickly too. I have to go slow in order to "build" what I consider a strong foundation for a relationship. I have to see the lady in a variety of situations to get to know her true character. And I have to know that what I'm feeling is actually real love and not simply an infatuation or a lustful desire. Like I said, logic rules the day with me, even when it comes to love.

The search goes on for someone new to enter my life. I'm sad to see Christine go, but relieved that she'll have a good six months to really get to know all facets of Erik's personality and quirks so that she can have any possible major issues resolved before the wedding. It is my sincerest wish that Erik is everything she wants him to be and more. If the love is genuine, I wish them all the best in their future together. I'm grateful that I got a chance to know Christine and nothing will take away the positive memories I will always have about her. Of course, I wish the circumstances favoured me, but as I learned from THE MAN (that'd be Al Gore, of course)...when you've done all you can but things simply don't go your way, you rise up from the humiliation of a defeat that should not have happened and you become even greater than you would have been otherwise. I will grow from this and be better for it.